How to choose a gift for someone you don't know well
To choose a gift for someone you don't know well, ask them or someone who knows them, and otherwise pick something useful and hard to get wrong, such as good food to share, a plant, or a nice version of an everyday thing. Gratos keeps what you learn about each person in one place, finds a gift from a real store around what they like and avoid, and buys it only after you approve the exact total.
Updated
How do you choose a gift for someone you don't know well?
- Let the occasion set the amount. A thank-you, a birthday at work and a host gift each call for something modest.
- Find one clue. What's on their desk, what they talk about, what they order for lunch. One true detail beats a clever guess.
- Pick something useful. Something they'll use or use up, not something they have to display.
- Add a note that says why you're giving it.
Is it okay to ask what they want?
Yes, and it works. In 2011 studies by Francesca Gino and Francis Flynn, recipients appreciated gifts from their wish list more than ones they hadn't asked for, and givers wrongly expected the opposite (Stanford GSB, 2011-09-15).
If asking them spoils the surprise, ask a partner, a close friend or a teammate.
What makes a gift hard to get wrong?
Usefulness. Researchers Jeff Galak, Julian Givi and Elanor Williams found that givers tend to choose for the moment the gift is opened, while recipients care more about "the long-term utility or practical attributes of the gift" (ScienceDaily, 2016-12-06).
Safe choices for someone you barely know:
- Food to share or use up: chocolate, coffee, tea, a good jar of something.
- A plant that is easy to keep alive.
- A nicer everyday thing: a notebook, a mug, a candle.
What should you avoid?
- Anything that needs their size or taste in scent. Clothing and fragrance are hard to get right for someone you don't know.
- Jokes about them. As Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute put it, "It's one thing when a gift is just funny, it's different when you're making fun of someone with a gift." (Salon, 2024-12-09)
- Anything too personal or too expensive. It can make them feel they owe you.
How does Gratos help you choose?
Every time you learn something about a person, add it to their page in Gratos: what they like, what they avoid, their sizes, what never to send them. When you ask for a gift, Gratos ranks results around their dislikes and leaves out anything on the never-send list.
Ask the way you'd ask a friend: "a thank-you gift for my new neighbor, who gardens, under $30". You see the full price, tax and shipping included, and nothing is bought until you approve.
Questions
- How much should I spend on someone I don't know well?
Keep it modest, so the gift doesn't make them feel they owe you. For colleagues, see how much to spend on a coworker's gift.
- Is a gift card a good choice for someone I barely know?
It can be. It is safe and useful, and in Gino and Flynn's 2011 studies recipients valued money more than items they had asked for. A gift picked for them says more if you have one good clue.
- What if I don't have their address?
Gratos gives you a link to send them, and they fill in their address. See how to send a gift without their address.
- Does Gratos guess what someone likes?
It uses what you have saved about them and what you say when you ask. The more you add to their page, the better the picks, and you approve every gift.